The First Cut's the Deepest
by GrandEmpress13
Summary: Helen helps Nikola through his first kill...


**The First Cuts the Deepest**

**Well, this took longer than I expected, but I love it so it doesn't matter! I think this is the longest story I've written yet! **

**On other news, I thought I should point out I have Twitter! It's not under this pen name though, I'm under RileyMorrison2. Anyhoo, come check me out!**

* * *

Helen and the rest of the Five had lost Nikola over three hours ago.

Each member of the Five had taken the Source Blood two weeks ago. Griffin's skin became photosensitive, Watson's mind grew to new heights, and Druitt developed the ability to disappear and reappear anywhere at will. Helen and Nikola gained nothing. That was until four ago.

* * *

_Nikola was staying at Magnus Manor as his house was undergoing construction. Helen and Nikola had planned to have a special dinner with the rest of the Five in the dining room. Dinner was ready and everyone sat in the dining room patiently waiting for Nikola. They waited for five minutes. Ten minutes. Finally having waiting long enough, Helen smiled to her guests._

"_I'll go see what's keeping him." The men nodded and Helen headed upstairs, walking down the long hallway, heading down two shorter ones until she reached Nikola's door._

"_Nikola? Are you in there?" She asked knocking on the door. Helen paused awaiting an answer, but only got a rumbling noise._

"_Nikola? Are you alright?" There was a crash from within the room. Helen tried the door, but it was locked. There was another crash and fear crept into the pit of Helen's stomach. She paused for only a moment before using all her body weight to bring the door down._

"_Nikola? Where are you?" Helen moved across the room with caution, reaching for the miniature pistol in her bustle. There was a grumbling coming from the underneath the bed. Helen crept closer, kneeling to look under the bed._

"_Ggggggooo awwayy." The voice was dark and deep, not belonging to the Nikola Helen knew._

"_Nikola?"_

"_Ggggggooo." Helen put her gun down and reached under the bed trying to hold Nikola's hand._

"_Nikola, please, come out from under the bed." She could make out Nikola shaking his head. Nikola coughed and Helen moved her hand to his face._

"_Nikola, you're burning up…" He slapped her hand away and rolled away. Helen moved to the side of the bed and caught Nikola's arm. She pulled on his arm until she had Nikola out from under the bed. They sat there, her many skirt pooling around her, as Nikola curled in a ball. _

"_Nooooo…" Helen stroked back Nikola's hair from his sweaty face. _

"_Nikola, you are sick, you need to get into bed and rest." He shrugged away from her._

"_Source Blood…" He moaned. Helen's eyes widened. _

"_You're…changing. Receiving your gift from the Source Blood…oh Nikola, this is wonderful!"_

"_Blood…" _

"_Yes, the Source Blood. It's changing you."_

"_Nooo…your blood." Helen became confused._

"_M…my blood?"_

"_Want to rip it from your throat…" Helen gasped and backed away. Nikola finally looked up at her, his eyes pools of black._

"_Smells so gooood…" His teeth were now rows of sharp ragged fangs, and his hands had grown talons._

"_Sanguine Vampiris…" Helen whispered, reaching for her pistol, which lay on the floor. Nikola shot forward from his curled position on the floor, landing on Helen, pinning her to the floor. He looked down at her with his dark eyes, and sniffed. He smiled and brought his head down to Helen's neck, nuzzling it._

"_Nikola…" Helen said trying not to panic. She struggled against his grip, but Nikola was too strong._

"_So beautiful…" He muttered against her skin, over and over. Helen felt Nikola open his mouth, scraping his sharp teeth along the skin of her neck._

"_Nikola, please…" Her voice trembling. He bit down lightly, almost teasingly. He tightened his grip on her and started to bite harder._

"_NIKOLA! Please! Stop!" Nikola looked over at her, her eyes filled with tears. He cocked his head, his eyes flashing back to human for a moment._

"_H…Helen?" He looked down, and upon realizing what he was about to do, Nikola stood and backed away._

"_Oh, God what have I become?" Nikola whispered, looking at his hands, his talons growing back. He whimpered, trying to control himself. He looked at Helen once more, before looking at the window. He strode over to it, and flung the window open. Nikola put his foot on the ledge and looked back at Helen, who was shaking her head._

"_No…Nikola…No…" He didn't listen though, turning away from her and jumping out the window._

"_NIKOLA!" Helen got up as quickly as she could, and rushed to the window. The rain was pouring down as Helen scanned the ground for Nikola's body. It was nowhere to be seen._

"_Helen, what's going on? We heard you scream, twice." James, John and Nigel stood at the door, very confused. Helen looked back at them, eyes full of fear._

"_It's Nikola."_

* * *

Now, three hours had past and the four of them were scouring London looking for Nikola.

'_Oh God, I hope he hasn't killed someone. Please let us find him before he does something terrible…_' Helen moved down the cobblestone road, heading to the meeting place.

"Anything?" Nigel asked.

"Nothing." Helen responded.

"Maybe we should stop for tonight…" John muttered.

"John! You can't be serious!" Helen cried. "The Source Blood has changed Nikola into '_Sanguine Vampiris_'! He is a Vampire John. Do you understand what that means? He almost drank from me!" The men's eyes widened in shock.

"My God Helen!" James stepped over to her, grasping her shoulders. "Are you alright?" Helen shrugged him off.

"I'm fine! Nikola was able to control himself long enough to get away from me, but I highly doubt he'll be able to control himself, out here in the dark of night, with nothing to guide him but his impulses and desires!"

"Exactly the reason why we should not be out here anymore! Let us wait until dawn and then come and search for him." John retorted. Helen huffed.

"And what about Nikola? We all know he is a kind and gentle man! What happens when he comes out of his state and finds out he murdered an innocent person? John, how would you feel if you murdered an innocent person!" John looked at the ground. Helen through her hands in the air.

"Forget it! Go home! All of you go home! You want to wait for dawn, fine! But I will not leave Nikola! Not when he's all alone, not when he needs someone!" James walked over and took Helen's hand in his.

"Helen, I understand your point, but John's point is valid and is safer…" Helen stepped away from James.

"James, you too?" Helen whispered.

"Helen please…we shall continue the search tomorrow." Helen took James hand.

"James, please. One more hour. If we don't find him…we try tomorrow." She begged with him, eyes pleading. Helen turned to the rest of the group.

"Just one hour." The men shared a look. James turned back to Helen.

"One hour." He said, putting a finger up to indicate only one hour would be given. Helen nodded.

"One hour."

Twenty minutes later, Helen was searching a back alley alone. She had been paired with Griffin, but it had only taken Helen three minutes to get away from him. Helen knew that the four of them were needed to find Nikola, but Helen wanted to be alone if she found him. While she knew the four of them were required to find him, Helen knew that if anyone but her found Nikola, he would be treated wrongly, especially if he had killed someone. They would lock him away, without question.

Helen continued walking down back alleyways until she heard noise. Helen stopped, hand clenching around her gun. She crept along slowly, turning around the next corner with caution. Her eyes scanned the alley, coming to rest on the source of the noise.

At the end of the alley was a man, hunched over something. There was something lodged in the man's back.

"Sir? Are you alright?" Helen asked, approaching him slowly.

"Grrrmph."

"Sir?" The closer she got, the more Helen realized. The man had a small pocket knife and a broken stick stabbed deep into his back. The man was shaking, and he was hunched over top of a woman. Both the man and the woman were surrounded is what appeared to be a puddle. It was hard to tell in the pouring rain. Helen's heart filled with dread as she came to stand next to the man and woman.

"Oh God…" Helen looked down at the woman, who Helen now realized was dead. The woman was obviously a prostitute, dressed in the most scandalous clothes. Her blonde hair spread her head, almost like a halo if not for the blood encrusted in her locks.

The woman was mutilated in a way Helen had never before witnessed. Her throat was slit from ear to ear, more dried blood covering her neck. There were scratches all over her body; she had put up quite a fight. But the thing that disturbed Helen the most was the body long cut. It was rough and jagged, as if it had been done by an unsteady hand. It was deep and started just below the woman's neck and ended just before her public bone. The woman's organs all lay in place, though slightly sliced. Her blood pooling around her and the man.

Helen slowly put her hand on the shoulder of the man. He shivered under her touch and then looked up at her. Helen let out a sad sigh.

"Oh, Nikola…" He looked up at her with wide, dead human eyes, his face and clothes drenched in the prostitute's blood. He didn't say anything, he just whimpered. Helen looked back down at the woman at her feet. Her eyes were open and dull yet full of fear as they stared accusingly at Nikola. Helen didn't answer him, instead reaching for him and dragging him to his feet.

"We need to go." Helen pulled Nikola down a series of back alleys before she heard them.

"Helen? Are you down here? Helen!"

"Damn it." She muttered. Helen let go of Nikola, turning to him.

"Don't move." She ordered. Nikola nodded and slumped against a wall. Helen jogged down an alley and took a deep breath.

When she was twelve, Helen learned how to throw her voice. It was something her father had taught her, something Helen didn't realize until she was much older that her father had taught her as a way to protect herself.

'_Throw your voice; throw off whoever you're hiding from._' Her father used to say. Helen used to trick people when she played hide and seek, and now it she going to use it to trick James, John and Nigel. There was only one problem; Helen hadn't thrown her voice since she was twelve. Helen quickly ran over the instructions in her head, before taking a deep breath and moving her tongue to the top of her mouth, and speaking from her diaphragm.

"James! John! Nigel! I think I've found him!" Not only did Helen's voice sound far away, but it bounced off the damp brick walls of the alleyways of London. In the distance, she could hear their stomping footsteps. Helen turned away quickly, heading over to the dazed Nikola. She wrapped her arms around his waist, yanking him down the back streets.

They continued down the alleyways until they reached the main street that was across from the Magnus estate. Helen looked frantically around the area before scurrying across the street, opening the gate and heading around back. There were several entrances Helen could use to get into the house but only one that would be unnoticed; the servants entrance. Helen whisked Nikola to the door, opening it carefully, and checking that no one was there.

"Nikola, follow me. And be quiet." Nikola made a mumbling noise. Helen guided him upstairs and into his room. She pulled him inside and locked the door.

"Alright, we have only a short period of time before the men head back here. We have until then to clean you up." Leading him into the bathroom, Helen gestured to the bathtub.

"We'll wash you down in the tub. Nikola, can you get undressed? I'm going to get changed myself. We'll burn the clothes; we don't want anyone questioning bloody clothes."

Helen waited for Nikola to answer her, but when he didn't, she smiled softly and patted his shoulder before leaving and dashing down the hall to her room. She was just in the door when Helen heard a maid call to her.

"Miss Magnus! I have looked everywhere for you! Let me help you get ready for bed." Helen shut the door so the maid could only see her face and not the blood that had seeped into her clothes from Nikola's.

"It's quite alright, Cassidy. I will undress myself tonight. You may head home for the evening."

"But Miss Magnus…" Helen smiled sweetly, placing her hand on shoulder.

"Really, Cassidy. Head home. You deserve it." The maid nodded slowly.

"Well, if that everything…"

"It is." Cassidy nodded.

"Well, thank you Miss Magnus. I shall see you in the morning." Helen nodded quickly before closing the door. She moved over to her wardrobe, pulling the doors open. She rustled through her clothing before pulling out her nightgown. It was white and simple in design, only a little bit of frill along the end of the short sleeves and along the neckline that didn't scoop too low.

'_I shouldn't be questioned too much if I look ready for bed…_' She pulled the nightgown out, and after several minutes of undressing Helen managed to get out of her skirts and into her nightgown, clipping her hair up into a messy bun at the top of her head. Helen scooped up her dress and jacket, staring at the jacket sadly. It was not one of her favourites, but that didn't mean she wanted to burn it. It wasn't impossible to get blood out of clothing, but at this point anything Nikola or she wore that had been stained needed to go. And on a cold night like this no one would question a fire going. She threw her dress, unstained on the bed and rolling her jacket up, darting from her room back to Nikola's. She opened the door, closed it, locked it and heading into the bathroom.

When she came back into the bathroom, Nikola was seated on the floor, clothes still on.

"Nikola! I thought I asked you to change! We have to burn your clothes!" He just looked at her with dead eyes and Helen sighed. She stepped over him and turned on the bathtub tap. Putting the plug in, Helen left the room and started up the fire, throwing her jacket in.

"Nikola are you undressed yet?" She asked coming back in. Nikola still sat in the same position. Helen sighed deeply and made her way over to him. She knelt down at his level, reaching forward and started to remove his tie. Slowly, she removed every article of Nikola's clothing. Helen stood and went to throw his clothes in the fire with the jacket. When she came back she turned the water off, and reaching over, helped Nikola up and into the tub, which was steaming.

Nikola let her guide him, and he sat in the tub, offering no resistance. Helen reached for the sponge and began to clean him off. She brought the sponge up to his arm and was about to start cleaning when Nikola cried out and flinched away from her. Helen tried again and the same thing happened. Within minutes Helen realized this was not going to work. Nikola obviously felt horrible about what he had done, even though he hadn't said a word. Helen needed him to get back to his normal ways before John, James and Nigel got back. She reached for him.

"Nikola…" But he roared and moved as far away as possible. Helen had an idea, but it was highly inappropriate. It involved her getting in the tub with Nikola. Helen would have to take off her nightgown, she didn't want to get it wet or get blood on it. She stopped for a moment and thought about it.

'_Nikola really needs my help. He probably won't want to remember this night ever again. He's too out of it to notice if I'm naked. And besides, my body is the last thing he's thinking about._' Helen decided it would be best that Nikola have someone right there for him. She stood and slowly shed her night gown. She readjusted the clip holding her hair in place and taking a deep breath, she got in the tub. Helen hissed as the hot water crept over her skin. Helen sat in the tub behind Nikola and after adjusting to the water, reached forward and touched Nikola's shoulder. He flinched again, but this time Helen didn't give up. She pulled on his shoulder; pulling Nikola until he was forced to come closer to her. She grabbed the sponge and looked at his back.

Not only was there a pocket knife in his back; there was a jagged piece of wood and several pieces of broken glass, big and small. The wounds had already partially healed around the items in his back.

"Nikola, I have to remove the things in your back, it's going to hurt…" Again he didn't utter a single word and Helen sighed. She placed the sponge in the water and wrapped her right hand around the hilt of the knife and steadied herself by placing her left hand on Nikola's back.

In one swift movement, Helen ripped the blade from his shoulder, a small chunk of skin coming with it. Nikola's body jerked, but no noise came from his lips. Blood oozed from the wound, sliding down his back. Nikola was weak, and he had no control over his new abilities. While the wounds were healing, they were healing quite slowly, only slightly faster than a human. Helen continued to pulling the objects from his back, placing the objects on the bathroom floor. When she was finished Helen picked up the sponge and began rubbing soothing circles over the wounds as both Nikola's and the prostitute's blood mixed with the water in the tub.

Helen rubbed the wound where the pocket knife used to be and suddenly Nikola started to shake.

"Nikola? Are you alright?" He continued to shake and Helen turned him around to face her. There were tears streaming down his face and his eyes were wide with fear.

"Nikola what's wrong?" He whimpered and looked deep into her eyes.

"H…Helen, what have I done? What I have become? I, I killed that poor woman, her blood is every…every…everywhere!" He motioned to his whole body. Helen smiled sadly and touched his cheek.

"Nikola, we never could have anticipated this would have happened…you should be proud you controlled it as long as you did."

"But I killed her! I took an innocent life! I'm…I'm a monster!" Helen quickly pulled Nikola to her chest, his face resting just above her left breast, letting him listen to her heart beat.

"Shh, it will be alright. It will be alright." Helen let Nikola cry against her chest as she picked the sponge back up and started to rub the blood from his face. Helen rocked them back and forth. She took some water in her hand and cleaned the dried blood away with her hand. She moved her hand over the wounds; they had closed over and healed.

"I killed her…" He mumbled. "I lost control for one second! She asked if I was looking for a good time. I couldn't…I couldn't control it! I led her to the alleyway, and licked her neck. She moaned and suddenly I was biting down…she screamed and tried to get away. She clawed at me. Suddenly the wounds I made weren't…weren't enough. Her throat is slit, but it wasn't enough…it wasn't enough…" He whispered through tears.

"It's alright. It's going to be alright. You're alright, you're fine…" She soothed, knowing it may never be alright, not for Nikola. But she soothed him anyway, cleaning all the blood from his skin until the water turned red and got cold.

Helen stood pulling Nikola with her. He clung to her, like a child would to its mother. They stepped out of the tub together and Helen grabbed a big fuzzy towel. She dried Nikola off, and sat him on the toilet.

"Nikola, you need to let go; I need to get dressed." He let go for a brief moment and Helen slipped her nightgown back on. Helen drained the tub, rinsing it twice to get rid of all the blood. She turned and offered Nikola her hand, which he took quickly. They walked into his room and Helen gathered Nikola's night things from the drawer and navigated them over to the bed.

"Let's get you dressed." Nikola nodded, pulling on his nightshirt. Helen handed him his bottoms but before he put them on, Nikola paused, and then looked up at her.

"What will the others think?" He asked quietly. Helen sighed and sat next to him on the edge of the bed. She took his hand in her own, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles.

"I don't think they need to know." She answered just as quietly. Helen watched Nikola's eyes widen. She had considered lying to him; telling Nikola that the others would not judge and everything would continue on as usual. But Nikola deserved the truth; and the truth was he would be incarcerated at the bottom of the Sanctuary, never to roam London again.

Helen searched Nikola's eyes, realizing she needed to explain.

"While John, James and Nigel have very broad views," Nikola nodded, urging her to continue. "While they have broad views, I fear this is something they will not understand."

"They'll fear me. Lock me away." He stated. Helen closed her eyes and nodded slowly.

"Yes." There was no denying it.

"What if they've already found the body? What do we say? Do I lie?" Helen looked deep into Nikola's eyes, needing to let him know she would be there through all of this.

"We will figure this out. Tomorrow I will start working on a medicine that can help control your need to drink blood. Until then, you should rest."

"Rest? Helen how can you expect me to climb into bed and sleep after what just happened? Would you be able to?"

Of course she wouldn't. She would be up all night, pacing, wearing a hole in the floor. She was already plagued with the vision of the dead woman, and she didn't even kill her; she couldn't imagine what Nikola was seeing, feeling. The guilt of what he had done shone through so brightly anyone could see something was wrong. There was no way he would be sleeping tonight. But Helen needed him to pretend, just for now.

"I would not be able to sleep, it's true." Helen stood, pulling Nikola with her, their hands still clasped together tightly. She brought them over to the side of the bed and took both of Nikola's hands in hers.

"The men should be arriving any second now. They may have found the body, they may not. But you need to pretend to be asleep in bed when they get here."

"But Helen…" She put her finger to his lips, stopping his words.

"Shh, Nikola, please. I need you to trust me on this. Please." He nodded mutely and let go of her hands, getting into bed. Once he adjusted the sheets he turned to her.

"Only the two of us will ever know the truth about this night."

"Yes."

"Good." They stayed like that in silence for a moment, before Helen stepped forward, grabbing Nikola's face. She placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

"Goodnight Nikola." She whispered.

"Goodnight Helen." He returned in a whisper of his own. Helen backed away, tucking him in slightly before heading to the door. Just before Helen switched the light off, she looked back at Nikola. He had already closed his eyes, perhaps hoping if he tried hard enough he would get some rest tonight. Helen smiled sadly, before turning off the lights and closing the door softly behind her.

"Helen!" She spun around quickly, almost jumping. James, John and Nigel came barreling towards her down the hall, almost running into each other as they came to a halt.

"Where have you been?" John all but roared. Helen knew this would be their reaction, and it was just what she needed to fuel Nikola's story. Her face twisted in anger.

"Quiet! Nikola is sleeping!" She said it loud enough for Nikola to hear from his room, but quiet enough to make it believable.

"Sleeping?" Nigel asked.

"Yes." Helen opened the door so the men could see Nikola's '_sleeping_' form. "Now if you gentlemen would follow me, we can discuss this somewhere more private." Helen walked away, leaving three very confused men in her wake.

She led them down to one of her studies at the end of the hall. Opening the door, she gestured them inside. They all sat down and there was a tension filled moment before John burst.

"What happened to you? We heard your cries in the alleyway, but couldn't find you!" Helen ducked her head.

"I'm sorry for that. I believed that I saw Nikola, so I called to you and ran after him. As it turns out, it wasn't Nikola."

"And so you just came home?" Nigel queried. Helen looked at him in confusion.

"I…I called to you."

"Yes, you called saying you found Nikola." James supplied.

"I said I _believed_ I found him. When I realized I was wrong, I called out to you. Saying we should regroup at the house."

"We heard no such thing." John replied. It was obvious he was angry at her. Helen didn't care; she helped Nikola and would continue doing so. Helen stood and headed to look out the window, rain still pattering against the pane.

"I called. Then I headed back to the house. I came in the front gate and heard noises from the garden. I went around and found Nikola, naked in the garden…"

"Naked?" James exclaimed.

"Yes, I found him naked in the garden. He had killed a cat. I approached him and he looked up at me with human eyes. He was disorientated, so I brought him up to his rooms and ran a bath for him. I went back to my rooms and got changed. When I came back, he was finished bathing and in his nightclothes. I started a fire and we talked briefly before Nikola climbed into bed. I left and was just checking on him when you all came blundering down the hall." She finished, crossing his arms.

"And what pray tell, did you talk about?" John asked. Helen fought the urge to roll her eyes.

"Nikola told me he had been so close to killing someone. But he held off long enough; he killed the cat. But he also said he feared he wouldn't be so lucky next time. I told him James and I would create a medicine to help control his urges. With that, Nikola went to bed."

"That's all you talked about?"

"Yes, John. That's all we spoke of. Nikola was very disappointed with himself and wouldn't discuss it further." All three men nodded. Helen turned to them, placing her hands on her hips.

"Are you finished questioning me? It's been a long and trying night, and I would like to get some sleep." James walked over to her and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Of course my dear. I think we should all get some rest. Tomorrow, you can show us the cat and we can work on creating a medicine for Nikola." Helen nodded slowly.

"The cat. Of course." John stood, eyebrows cocking.

"That won't be a problem, will it dear?" Helen smiled tightly.

"Oh course not, John. Hopefully, scavengers haven't got to the cat by morning."

"Let's hope." The room felt silence for several moments. Then Helen smiled lightly and clasped her hands together, creating a small clapping noise.

"Well, gentlemen. It's been a long night. I'm quite tired. I will see you in the morning. I'll find the cat and bring it down to the lab, and then James and I will start on the medicine." James leaned close and kissed Helen's cheek.

"A wonderful plan my dear. Goodnight, and sleep well." Helen kissed his cheek back and hugged him. She moved over and hugged Nigel, before moving over and kissing John.

"Goodnight love." He whispered.

"Goodnight John." After she had said her goodnights, Helen left her study and headed to her rooms, knowing she wouldn't be getting any sleep. She had to worry about having Nikola get the story straight, she had to kill a cat in the morning and there was still the issue of the dead woman in the gutters of an alleyway in London.

* * *

Helen let her thoughts wander to the events that occurred on this day over a hundred years ago as she read the note her lover had left.

_Ljubav, _

_I've gone to see her, just as I do every year. I should be back in a couple of days, you know the routine. _

_Love,_

_Nikola _

Helen knew where he was, of course. Neither of them ever forgot the date. They never found out the young woman's name, so they left the grave they set up unnamed. But even though she was unnamed, she was never forgotten.


End file.
